What's in the Hereafter? ? thoughtstomull

First of all, I do not have the answer to the title question, ?What?s in the Hereafter??? That?s a question the living will never have the absolute answer to, at least not one that?s accepted?in our current, Western, scientific community.??The Western, scientific?community is far from ?The Authority?,?though,?when it comes to things that cannot be observed and measured?through our culture?s five accepted senses.? However, we cannot simply?discount the many other cultures, which have been around far longer than our own,?that perceive the world much differently that the Western culture does.? The Western culture has no claim to authority on such things as the spiritual realm, because it lacks the tools to investigate.? It is limited to a very narrow spectrum of what it considers??reality?.? And since it?s not possible to prove a negative, our Western culture cannot venture into those other world views, which?have been around far longer than its own, and disprove them.

What?s in the hereafter is?a question that?s been broached since the beginning of recorded history.? However provable or not,?the living will have their faiths, beliefs?and a broad assortment of ideas about the answer to that question.? I have mine, and you have yours.? I never try to answer that question for another person: it?s too personal, and as individual as each human being.? I have, however, been frequently confronted with?the issue and the process of dying,?or what comes just prior to?the ?hereafter?, for the?past?18 years,?in my profession?as a hospice nurse.? I can only support the beliefs or non-beliefs of the person who is dealing with this?transformative process. ?I must be able to get myself out-of-the-way and give that person whatever kind of support is needed, no matter what their beliefs.? The struggle is between the dying person, the family, their friends, their god, their spiritual supporters and guides.? It is not about me or my personal beliefs; it is not for me to?judge?for them what they are experiencing, what they believe, and how they interpret those experiences.

I have been very fortunate to have had the unique opportunity, during my years as a hospice nurse, to note some strikingly?interesting common denominators when it comes to the process of dying.? I?ve noted these similarities between people from far-flung places, who do not know one another, most who have no significant?history of mental illness or hallucinations, who have not done any?especially in-depth reading or study?on the subject of the dying process, and most who do not claim to have had any prior near-death experiences.? In my practice, I?ve noted that the processes I?ve observed in my dying patients are similar beyond coincidence, regardless of religion or belief system, including agnostic and atheistic individuals.? These processes are remarkably similar to?those reported by people around the world, and?to writings from the ancients to those of the present-day. ?The observations are not solely based on the actions and statements of the dying person, but also on the reports given by family members and?the many other caregivers?who participate during this process.

This is a blog.? This is not a scientific paper.? I am writing this, because I want to share some of what I?ve seen, heard, and felt.? I do not have any particular agenda,?and I have no answers.? It is a topic that is?fascinating to me, because it does fall far beyond the pale?of coincidence, and I?ve?found it?s?of interest to many other people.? That?s probably?because we all are born and, as far as we know?at this point,?our bodies?will all die.??No one can say how far death extends, what happens to the essence of a person at death, what happens to that energy that animates a person, gives them personality, defines who they are.? These remain unanswered questions.

Many of us?share the experience of being present at a birth, but interestingly, few of us can remember what ?was? before our birth: where was our essence, where was that core that makes us who we are???That is unmeasurable in western scientific terms, in fact,?that question is not even asked in western medicine.? Compared to being witness to birth,?far fewer of us have witnessed the dying process, and fewer still have experienced death itself, and returned to describe?the experience.? Of course,?western medicine?would assert that, if a person comes back from death to describe it, then that person was not really dead.? This, despite their own scientific measurements that say there is no heartbeat, no respirations, no brain waves present, western medicine will still assert that that person was, apparently, not dead.??Thousands of people have reported, to the contrary, having died and returned, or having come close to death and returned.? These people hail from every corner of the earth, regardless of faith or lack thereof, and reports of this go?as far back as we can go in recorded history, up through present day reports.

It?s unfortunate that, in the Western culture, death is shunned.? Death is hidden away, and it is something rarely spoken of.??We have made it?an incomplete circle.? Life is confined, in?the Western?culture, to the time between the moment of birth and the final breath.? (I acknowledge there are some variables in personal views, but it is beyond the scope of this blog?to discuss when life actually begins.)? But what about before our first breath or conception, and after our last breath?? Why is it that we avoid investigating that segment of the circle?? And why is it that a birth is cause for celebration, in the Western culture, and death is cause for great discomfort, even disgust?? Some cultures embrace death in a celebratory fashion, as part of a grand continuum, as a departure from this to another realm, or as a great remembrance and recognition of a life that has been lived.? Death universally causes sorrow, because we miss?those with whom we once shared our lives.?But why do we avoid participation in the process of death?? At one time, death commonly occurred in the home.? Then,?death was institutionalized, shifted to something that more commonly occurred away from home and loved ones.? Not until the 1980s did the hospice culture return, bringing death back into the home as a normal part of the living process, as a normal part of the circle of life.

Still, though, it?continues to be?less common for a person to die in the home.? It is unfortunate, because that practice keeps in place a barrier to making death a part of the life cycle.? We lose what could be an exquisitely intimate time between people who love one another, a significant closure of the circle, or perhaps even an?opening to the sense that life is more an infinity symbol (lemniscus)?than a circle.? There are things that commonly and spontaneously can and often do?happen during the dying process that can be shared, and that can bring personal meaning to?a person?s?life and death,?and to that of those participating.? These events bring to our attention things that cannot be explained with our five senses, and may give rise to the hope that reality and life itself is about things far beyond the limits of those five acknowledged senses.

In this blog I?d like to share some of those very similar events that often occur during the dying experience.? Not everyone exhibits these things, some exhibit a few, and some exhibit all.? But the patients I?ve observed did not know one another, and had no significant traits or background in common, other than having lived a life in a very human, finite, physical body.

As a chronically ill patient begins down the pathway of deterioration, as the disease progresses, there is often a very notable point in time when family members and others involved note a significant withdrawal.? The patient seems to pull inward, to disconnect from most or all outward?activity and interest.? It is as though a tremendous amount of inner work is being done.? The person can be awakened, but spends a much greater amount of time sleeping, and initiates interaction with others rarely.

Caregivers may note that the patient, while awake, seems to spend a great deal of time staring off into the distance: hospice workers refer to this phenomenon as??the thousand-mile stare?.??The thousand-mile stare appears to have focus, but upon something far beyond the boundaries of the room.? The patient seems to be ardently observing something that is not observed or seen by others in the room.? Sometimes, the person?s attention can be brought back to the physical realm, and sometimes, not. ?The dying person seems unaware, or at least quite disinterested, in?the physical activities surrounding him or her,?and will go in and out of this behavior, sometimes for weeks, and sometimes for only days.

During or around this time, those present may notice other interesting things happening.? The patient begins to reach out into the air, as though reaching to touch something or someone.? Sometimes it is described as ?pulling at strings?.? The eyes seem to follow the direction of their reaching arms.? Conversation may begin, often addressed to those who have already passed on, or died.? Of course, observers are privy only to the patient?s side of the conversation.? ?Mom!?, ?Dad?, or ?there?s Uncle Charlie!? may be accompanied with a turn of the head in a direction,? as though looking at someone being addressed.? The patient may smile.? The eyes are distinctly focused on something.

If enough trust has been developed between the patient and the family and caregivers, the patient may be quite forthcoming about these events.? However, if the patient feels that he or she won?t be believed, these experiences may not be quickly or easily shared with others, may not be shared at all.? This commonly occurs?in?medical settings, around strangers, where the staff?may?actually negate?the patient?s report, and?blame the vision-like experiences on the drugs being used to control pain and other symptoms.? A more helpful approach by caregivers might be to ask the patient, ?Tell me more about that?.? The patient may be quite insistent, or if not believed, may completely withdraw and stop any attempt to share these experiences with anyone.

If?reassured?that?these phenomenon are common and normal, that?the dying often?see surprising, unexpected things, and the patient is assured that?they will be believed,?he or she?often becomes much more open and willing, even enthusiastic, about?reporting what they are experiencing,?seeing and speaking with?individuals they once knew, and have since died, or seeing things that they cannot find words for to explain.? Patients?often state?that ?they?re waiting for me?, or ?I told them I?m not ready yet?.? I?ve asked patients?if these experiences are frightening, and I have never had a single patient?report fearfulness.? Quite the contrary, patients usually smile, and say something like, ?No.? Not at all,? or ?I feel like I?m not going to be alone?.? The experiences seem to be reassuring, comforting.

Often, patients report seeing individuals that they do not recognize, but that are warm, loving, and waiting to be with them when they die.? There have been a few quite humorous times, when the patient reports that he or she was being ?told? by an entity or a deceased family member, that it?s time to go; if the patient doesn?t agree, I?ve heard definitive statements, even defiant, such as, ?I?ll go when I?m ready?, or ?I?m not ready?, or ?Not now!?? It?s as though the patient has the ultimate determination in his or her control as to when the time to die is right, not to be determined by another.? I?ve been told, ?It?s my death, ya know!?? I don?t argue with that!

I remember one particular patient who reported to me that he had been visited by someone he did not recognize,?and that person was insisting it was time?to ?go?; my patient, quite bluntly and emphatically, without hesitation or reverence, told the entity, ?I?ll go when I?m God damned ready!?? He was quite solid and determined and satisfied with himself.? And in the driver?s seat.? He told me that he did not fear being taken away, that he would go when he decided the time was right.

Unfinished business, or issues that need to be dealt with, but have not, perhaps?the need to talk to someone before death occurs,?seems to keep a person holding on to this physical life.? I?ve had patients who, according to all medical wisdom, all lab results,?should not be alive; however, they are.? When this occurs, it can be helpful to ask the person,??Is there someone you?d like to talk to??, or if the patient cannot communicate, the family might consider what could be?causing the person to hold on to this life.? Hearing the?voice on the telephone of someone dear, even though the patient may not be able to respond, might be helpful.? Reassurance to the patient that, ?We?ll be okay?, or ?It?s okay to go when you?re ready?, seem also to be helpful in giving the person permission to let go of this physical body.? I?ve seen patients hold on for as long as three weeks beyond the time that medical wisdom says physical life is not possible, apparently waiting to see or talk with or hear the voice of?someone who has been important in their lives.? Once the unfinished business is completed, patients seem to visibly relax, and let go.

Individuals who were private?for most of?their lives,?seem to be private in their dying process.? Families and caregivers who have never left the patient?s side, who have assured the patient was not left alone at any time for months, may hinder the dying process: the patient may need to be left?alone in order to let go, because privacy has been an important factor in their living personalities.? I?ve had patients like this, whose families or caregivers?are all-present, who finally decide to run to the store, or leave the patient alone for brief periods of time.? This can be when the person chooses to leave.? I want those family members and caregivers?to know that it may have been a choice on the part of the dying person, to let go while alone.? A person may have more choice about when to let go, than we can realize.? It?s okay to let that person have private time; perhaps they need it that way.

Very often, just?before death, a ?rally? occurs.? It seems to the observer that the patient is recovering, and often family and friends rejoice that the patient is coming back, has beat the disease, is recovering.? This manifests by an exceptional alertness, engagement with those present, laughter, even joyful animation and humor.? Energy often surges, along with appetite.? Whereas the patient had been spending most of the time sleeping, and disengaged with his or her surroundings, eating little or nothing, the condition seems during the rally to completely reverse itself.? It is a time for friends and family to embrace and enjoy, because the rally soon ends.

In the end, no matter how much preparation has been made for the imminent death of a loved one, no matter how much?anticipatory?grieving has been done, death is always shocking.? When the last breath comes, we are never ?ready?.?? It must, finally, be enough to know?that we were there when that person needed us and walked among us.? And then, we must give ourselves permission to grieve and?celebrate the life of that person we once knew.? It is a common experience for the living to ?see? the person who has died, after the death occurs.? Sometimes this is in physical form, and sometimes it is reported as occurring in dreams.? Perhaps it is that person?s way of assuring the living ones left behind in this physical realm, that everything is okay.??That is for the living to interpret.? But, embrace those moments, and celebrate the life of that person who once lived among us.? In our own time, we will have our own dying experience.? Perhaps, then, we?ll have our answers to what?s in the hereafter.

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Source: http://thoughtstomull.com/2011/10/04/whats-in-the-hereafter/

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