Freaking Out A Little- but wanting to stay positive and excited ...

How long since your husband's diagnosis? I can see where you are coming from. If you are fertile, then yes you will always wonder and probably want a biological child. For us, even though he had issues, they would be easy to overcome with IVF. But it have premature ovarian failure, starting at age 24, but not realizing it until full menopause hit at 29. So I had to grieve the fact that it would never be the case for me and move on. My RE did try a mock IVF with me, but my ovaries didn't respond at all. It sucked.

But for me I just wanted a baby. ANY baby. lol If I knew that I could pretty much get as many babies as I wanted in foster care, I probably would have done that before I even knew I was completely infertile. I spent 4 agonizing years resenting every pregnant woman I saw.

Once we had our first baby, though. That all went out the window for me. I am honestly so happy I couldn't have my own kids. The experience of adopting through foster care is way better (for me) than what I imagined getting pregnant, announcing it, having a shower, etc. would be like. It just feels really special to me that we were able to take our babies, put up with all the crud, fight to keep them when the state said no more than 2 under 2, then fight again when our first was about to be shipped off to relatives he'd never met after living his whole life with us, and end up as a happy family. It's weird too, because in both my and my husbands (huge) families, our kids are treated as the most special. They have brought a lot of good out of people in my family that I'd never seen before.

It just feels really good every night to know that they are tucked safely in their beds and that they avoided the very tragic life that they could have lived. I am really honored to get to be their mother and I could't imagine that it would be possible to love a biological child more than I love our adopted children.

I hope you find it to be a really rewarding experience. It probably won't be the easiest thing in the world, and you could get your heart broken, for sure. But I wouldn't say that it's inevitable. Sometimes, though, we just have to take the leap then take it day by day.

Source: http://forums.adoption.com/becoming-foster-parents/405343-freaking-out-little-but-wanting-stay-positive-excited.html

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